Funny Status Lines

Funny Facebook Status, Funny Instagram Status, Funny WhatsApp Status, Funny Twitter Status

Funny Facebook Status, Funny Instagram Status, Funny WhatsApp Status, Funny Twitter Status: Humour helps us forget what we are going through in life. Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize. We’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life.

Funny status for all social media platforms makes one laugh out loud so upload the status that is funny to impress your peers.

Short Funny Status

Secretly a wizard.

I woke up this way.

Just keep swimming.

Me? Sarcastic? Never.

Waiting for “Ache Din”

Nice guys finish lunch.

I’m not fat, I’m fluffy.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

You’re weird. I like you.

Born at a very young age.

There is no “i” in denial.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

Life happens. Coffee helps.

Oops… I used WhatsApp again!

Professional procrastinator.

WhatsApp free hai, main Nahi.

i dont beleife in spele chek.

Throwing shade like confetti.

Oh! Game over and you lost me.

Scratch here to see my status.

Hey there! I’m using my brain.

Hey there WHATSAPP is using me.

Home is where my pants are not.

WiFi, food, my bed. Perfection.

A caffeine-dependent life form.

Funny Status in English

After Monday and Tuesday, every calendar says WTF.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

Save 50% on pictures: 500 words only. Limited-time offer.

Please God If You Can’t Make Me Slim. Make My Friends Fat.

Three Mistakes Of My Life: WTF (WhatsApp Twitter Facebook)

I am in a relationship with studies and it’s complicated.?

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

The earth’s rotation really makes my day.

If Each Day Is A Gift, I Would Like To Know Where I Can Return Mondays.

My Room Is Not Messy, It Is An Obstacle Course Designed To Keep Me Fit.

We aren’t friends until we start insulting each other on a daily basis.

Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.

Sleep is my drug… my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.

I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.

I wouldn’t trade one stupid decision for another five years of my life.

One wise guy invented WhatsApp… and his wife added last seen the feature

I’m confused about being confused about confusing things that confuse me!

Asking me if I want another drink is like asking me if I want some money.

I’m not actually funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Installing love… 44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first.

My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple of car payments.

Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror!

We go together like drunk and disorderly!

I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

Never Give Up On Your Dreams. Keep Sleeping.

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

I am not lazy and I was just saving my energy.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car.

Oh! I Am Sorry, I Forgot, I Only Exist When You Need Something.

Maybe Funny WhatsApp Status can destroy someone’s love feelings!

I see that you’re online.  I am online too.  Wanna, like, chat?

I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.

Girl, you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I work out every day I do 1 sit-up every morning when I wake up.

Walking my dog, we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

It’s a new millennium, where’s the “Fold” button on my dryer?

I love my six packs so much; I protect it with a layer of fat.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Facebook is the only place where you can talk to the wall.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Never laugh at your partner’s choices… You’re one of them.

Sarcasm: a way to insult idiots without them realizing it.

I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.

Oh, I’m sorry, was my sass too much for you?

My teacher today gave a 45-minute speech about not wasting time.

I think Uruguay’s Luis Suarez is the man to bit the Apple’s logo.

Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

One Line Funny Status

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

I was going to take over the world this morning, but I overslept.

If I’m already in my sweatpants, I’m not leaving the house again.

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

Remember If We Get Caught, You Are Deaf And I Don’t Speak English.

How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.

You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.

I am not perfect, but I am a limited edition.

I salute all my haters with my middle finger.

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

I will marry the girl, who looks pretty in her Adhaar card.

Of course I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice.

Not all men are fools; some stay single.

I will go into survival mode if tickled.

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man! Breathe!”

Dear math, I’m tired finding your “X” DUDE she is gone, Please Move on Bro.

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.

Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

If everyone on Earth joined hands around the Equator, many of them would drown.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Make your weird light shine bright, so the other weirdos know where to find you.

It’s not that I don’t want to go to work.  I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.

Today I have the motivation of a potato.  Don’t hold your breath for a response.

I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode.

Not all men are fools. There are still some bachelors.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Funny Status

My last words will be “I left a million dollars under the…”

I haven’t failed, my success is just postponed until later.

I have three kids and no money. Why I can’t I have no kids and three money?

Sometimes I think to write LOL at the end of every answer in exams.

I don’t know why I keep a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags.

People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.

Hey, I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, just read this message again.

I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.

Welcome to WhatsApp.  Our specials tonight are grouper and chicken ala king.

Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones.

In high school attending favorite subjects, lunch, and recess.

There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.

One hat says to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”

I’M Going To Stand Outside. So If Anyone Asks, I Am Outstanding.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue – I can’t put it down.

The best way to lie is, to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

All My Life I Thought Air Was Free. Until I Bought A Bag Of Chips.

Did you hear that joke that doesn’t offend anyone?  Neither did I.

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. And, You also tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!

My son asked me what it’s like to be married, so I told him to leave me alone. When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Wants to know how the hell I can remember words to songs from years ago but can’t remember what I went into the next room for!!

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

If people are talking behind your back,  that’s a good time to fart.

Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I sure do.

I put my heart n soul into my work and lost my brain in the process.

Always remember that stupidity is not a crime….so you are free to go.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? It said concentrate!

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Knock knock!  Who’s there?  Obviously not me.  Get over it.

The new way of forgetting your past is deleting your chats.

You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

Hilarious Status English

Q Quite Man Is A Thinking Man. A Quite Woman Is Usually Mad.

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

I Love My Six Pack So Much. I Protect It With A Layer Of Fat.

I have a bad habit of reading a text and forgetting to reply.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

I deserve a medal every day I don’t stab someone with a fork.

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He’s alright now.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

3 horrible things in life: 1) Slow Internet. 2) Slow Internet. 3) Slow Internet.

Taking your ex back is like going to the junkyard and buying back your own crap.

I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.

She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there’s a “socio” in front of it.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.

Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me I will laugh at you.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you.

My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes!

I like dating older people because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments. Which means they’re ready for me.

I hold the key to world peace, but somebody changed the lock.

My life makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.

What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”

Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

Short Status To Make One Laugh

I’m the result of a natural 20.

What would the honey badger do?

I’m so tired, my tired is tired.

Be smarter than your smartphone.

Hey there! WhatsApp is using me.

Hey there, I’m using my parents.

Putting the “hot” in “psychotic.”

The bags under my eyes are Gucci.

Hey there! You are using WhatsApp.

I’m in shape. “Potato” is a shape.

One person’s LOL is another’s WTF.

Living vicariously through myself.

Not always available, try your luck.

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

I’m not short, I’m a people McNugget.

I’m already ready for tomorrow’s nap.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

I’M Great In Bed. I Can Sleep For Days

You can do anything but not everything.

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

Single Line Funny Status

Life is beautiful. from Friday to Monday.

They say I’m tightly wound, but I’m a frayed knot.

Don’t use the bathroom in your dream, It’s a setup.

My Boss Told Me To Have A Good Day….So I Went Home.

I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

Fair warning: I know karate. …and some other words.

In search of sleep, sanity, and the Shire.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

Time flies after you hit the snooze button.

My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.

You’re right, I’m not perfect. But I’m unique!

By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.

Being weird is the side effect of awesomeness.

I hate when people try so hard. You think you’re cute? Um, sorry to break it to you but you look like an ugly baboon.

I was at a funeral and the widow asked if I would say a word. I said “plethora”. She said “thanks, that means a lot!”

The human brain is amazing, It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exams.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

I don’t think my iPhone is working. I pressed the home button, but I’m still here.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

Made a list so that I wouldn’t forget anything, then I forgot where I put the list.

I eat my tacos over a tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, bonus burrito.

I named my dog “6 Miles” so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.

Can we please go back to the main menu of life? I think I accidentally chose “impossible” mode.

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.

When a bird hits your windshield, have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

I’ve been diagnosed with “awesomeness.” You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught it.

“I’m going to bed” really means… “I’m going to lie in my bed and look at my phone.”

The show was called Spongebob Squarepants, but everyone knows the star was Patrick.

When I was born… I was so surprised… that’s why I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, that would be an amazing coincidence.

I Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I Complete.

I don’t care what people say or think about me, at least am attractive to mosquitoes.

If Stress Burned Calories, I’D Be A Supermodel.

Be Warned: I’M Bored. This Could Get Dangerous.

Beware of the dog…the cat is also pretty shady.

Best Funny Status

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand.

You smell like hidden motives, get away from me.

Status unavailable. Please reload and try again.

God is really creative, I mean… just look at me.

The best things in life are not things.

Almost Everything should be fair in Love and also in Final Exams !!

All animals are good but some can cause a serious problem to you !!

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

204 countries, 805 Islands, 7 seas, 7+ Billion people and I’m still single.

Status under construction. coming soon.

Be Strong I Whispered To My Wifi Signal.

Life Is Full Of Questions. Idiots Are Full Of Answers.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

I’m a glowstick – I had to break before I could shine.

I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit.”

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

If at first you don’t succeed, we have a lot in common.

I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean I guess.

I like long, romantic walks down every aisle of Target.

Me: Did you get a haircut? Dad: No, I got them all cut.

Special Funny Status WhatsApp

My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos, and sweatpants.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.

Twinkle twinkle little star…point me to the nearest bar.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Gonna be a great day. But first: coffee.

If you can’t say something nice, come sit by me.

Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?

I’d tell a chemistry joke but it’s pretty basic.

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not so sure.

Don’t Make Me Laugh. I’M Trying To Be Mad At You.

Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.

Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.

I don’t worry about terrorism. I’ve been married.

I like hashtags because they look like waffles #.

I like to stay in bed. It’s too “people-y” outside.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they’re dealing with.

I love that our effortless friendship matches my inability to answer messages on time.

Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

If you message me and I don’t message you back, it’s because I fainted from happiness.

1 in 4 people is crazy. Look at your 3 closest friends, if they seem OK, you’re the one!

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to realize it was just a Fanta sea.

A really cool feature of the Nano they don’t tell you about is that even beggars ignore you at a traffic signal. Relaxing facility.

My girlfriend keeps stealing my sweatshirts, and I keep replacing them.  We now have 450 sweatshirts, and they’re all in her closet.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he’s still making fun of me.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.

The police called to say one of my friends escaped from a mental hospital. Which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up?

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter, and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.

All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently.

I recently gave up Warcraft, so my productivity and drinking have increased dramatically.

The bill came to $50.  The leprechaun looked in his wallet and said, “Shoot.  I’m short.”

I’m not saying you’ve got problems, but have you tried turning yourself off and rebooting?

True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-Fi connect automatically.

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade”.

Men have feelings too. For example, we feel hungry.

You are like my brother but from a different mother.

As Usual, There Is A Great Woman Behind Every Idiot.

I’m naturally funny because my whole life is a joke.

Funny Status For Girls

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.

Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

I need to go to Wal-Mart but I can’t find my pajamas.

I’m the world’s best dentist. I have a little plaque.

Faces you make on the toilet: (o_o), (>_<), (0_0), (^_^)

I wish I had Google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.

When someone hates you for no reason. Give them a reason.

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I have come to the conclusion that Google must be female, as she has the answer to everything!

My Internet is down today. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. They are irresponsible.

If you’re looking for a present for me, I take a size large briefcase in hundred dollar bills.

I told the doctor that I’d broken my arm in several places. He said not to go to those places.

Thank God there is No Hindi version of WhatsApp otherwise “Last Seen” would be “Antim Darshan”

I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.

If you’re still looking for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror.

My teacher told me to solve the problem on the board so I went up there, erased it and said SOLVED.

You think I’m cute when I’m mad? Well, buckle up sweet cheeks – I’m about to get freakin’ adorable.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.

I remember when my old Nokia phone said I had a low battery it meant that I had 2 days to find a charger.

An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist is afraid this might be true.

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”

“Employee of the Month” is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

My life is about as organized as a $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

You drink too much and gossip too much. Let’s be friends.

The world could be amazing when you are slightly strange.

WARNING!! I know karate …..and some other words!!!

My phone is in airplane mode, WTF it’s not flying!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

The wheel’s still turning but the hamster is dead.

Funny Status Lines