Having a good sense of humour is a real help when you’re involved in horses. This is because horses are magical creatures who have long been companions to humans from medieval times to now. There are plenty of horse jokes out there, for animal-loving kids, you simply can’t beat a horse joke. While it was hard to pick favorites, we decided to put together a list of some of the horse jokes from one-liner horse jokes to funny questions and answers horse jokes we laughed at the most. Enjoy!
The funny grinning horse on the background of nature landscape of Iceland
I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.
A pony went to the doctor complaining about having a sore throat. The doctor said: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”
I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him “Why the long face?
Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class?
A: “Why the long face?“
Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor.
Q: How do horses stay in such great shape?
A: They keep a stable diet.
Q: What does the horse say when the bartender greets him by saying “hey”?
A: “You read my mind!”
Q: What kind of computers do horses use?
A: Macintosh.
Q: A man asks his vet, “will I will be able to race my horse again?
A: ”. The vet said, “Yes, of course you will, and I think you’ll probably beat him too!”
Q: A woman rode her horse all the way up a hill on Friday. The next day she rode back on Friday, too. How is this possible?
A: The horse is called Friday.
Q: Did you hear about the man who was had to go to the hospital with four plastic horses inside him?
A: The doctor described his condition as stable.
Q: Have you heard the one about the runaway horse?
A: It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!
Q: How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse?
A: The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.
Q: How do you know a horse has a negative attitude?
A: They always says “Neigh”
Q: How do you make an appaloosa?
A: Shake the tree
Q: How do you spell ‘Hungry Horse’ in four letters?
A: MTGG.
Q: How long should a horse’s legs be?
A: Long enough to reach the ground.
Q: How much money does a bronco have?
A: A buck.
Q: What are a horse’s favourite sports?
A: Stable tennis and barn ball!
Q: What did the mother horse say to her child horse?
A: “It’s hay pasture bedtime!”
Q: What did the mother horse say to her foal?
A: It’s pasture bed time!
Q: What did the waiter say to the horses?
A: “I can’t take your order, that’s not my stable”
Q: What disease are horses most scared of getting?
A: Hay fever
Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
A: Sherbet.
Q: What do you call a horse that likes to stay up late?
A: A night mare.
Q: What do you call a horse that’s been all around the world?
A: A globe-trotter.
Q: What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A: A little hoarse.
Q: What do you call a racehorse that is guaranteed to win?
A: Sherbet.
Q: What do you give a sick horse?
A: A Cough stirrup.
Q: What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
A: There’s a horse walking around with only socks on.
Q: What does it mean when you find a horseshoe on the ground?
A: Some poor horse is walking around in socks.
Q: What happens when horse forgets its umbrella?
A: It gets wet.
Q: What is a horse’s favorite sport?
A: Stable tennis.
Q: What is the difference between a horse and a duck?
A: One goes “quack” and the other goes “quick”!
Q: What kind of bread do horses like to eat?
A: Thoroughbred.
Q: What kind of horse can swim underwater?
A: A seahorse.
Q: What kind of horse travels all around the world?
A: A globe trotter.
Q: What makes a horse sneeze?
A: Hay fever.
Q: What sort of horses come out after dark?
A: Nightmares
Q: What street do horses like to live on?
A: Main Street.
Q: What was the horse scared of getting during summer?
A: Hay fever!
Q: What’s a horse’s favourite TV show?
A: Neighbours of course.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse?
A: The ground!
Q: What’s invisible and smells like hay?
A: Horse farts.
Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
A: One reigns up and one rains down!
Q: What’s the hardest thing about learning to horseback ride?
A: The ground.
Q: When do vampires like horse racing?
A: When it’s neck and neck.
Q: When does a horse talk?
A: Whinny wants to!
Q: When does a horse talk?
A: Whinny feels like it.
Q: Where do horses go when they’re sick?
Q: Which side of the horse has the most hair?
A: The outside!
Q: Which type of cheese do horses like best?
A: Masc-a-pony
Q: Why are horses so healthy and fit?
A: Well, they’re on a stable diet.
Q: Why couldn’t the little pony sing?
A: Because she was a little hoarse!
Q: Why couldn’t the horse dance?
A: Because he had two left feet.
Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing?
A: Because he was a little hoarse.
Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Somebody shouted hay!
Q: Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
A: Because it had bad stable manners.
Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse?
A: He was hoping to get a kick out of it
Q: Why do cowboys like to ride horses?
A: Because they’re too heavy to carry.
Q: Why do cowboys ride horses?
A: Because they’re too heavy to carry!
Q: Why do most horses look so fit?
A: Because they’re on a stable diet.
Q: Why don’t horses wear underwear when they race?
A: Because it rides up on them.
Q: Why don’t small shetland ponies like to sing in the choir?
A: Because they are a bit hoarse!
Q: Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey?
A: In case he takes offence.
Q: Why was the horse really proud of his school test results?
A: Because he got an Hay-plus!
Q: Why wasn’t the horse very good at dancing?
A: Because he had two left feet.
Q: Why wouldn’t the quarter horse cross the river after the family picnic?
A: He knew you shouldn’t swim on a foal stomach.
Get ready for these horse pun jokes as you’ll be laughing out loud like it’s a competition.
Some racehorses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”
Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.
At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”
A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”
A man stumbles across a sign while he is walking through the country and the sign reads; “Talking Horse for Sale.” So, he goes into the barn to check it all out.
“So what makes you so special then?” he asks the horse.
“I’ve led a fulfilling life,” the horse says to the man’s surprise. “I was born in Argentina and herded for an entire village in the Andes. After that, I joined the police force, mounted of course, in New York and helped maintain the city and ensure it’s clean. Now, I spend my days giving free rides to kids in the country.”
The guy is gobsmacked, jaw-dropped and speechless. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why would you want to sell this fantastic animal?”
The owner says, “Well, he’s flat out a liar! He never did any of those things he just told you!”
These knock knock horse jokes will knock your hooves right off your feet and if you’re feeling a little horse, then make sure you tell your friends some of these funny jokes about horses.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Quiet horse.
Quiet horse, who?
(In a whisper), “your neigh-bour…”
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Loud horse.
Loud horse, who?
A loud horse that wants to annoy you!